I am working on a book about being chosen last in sports and need your submissions

I have been talking and writing about the concept of being chosen last in sports for many years, and have spoken to most of you about this topic at one point or another. Here is a link to an article I wrote for the Advocate Online about this topic. (Please note: This blog has replaced reclaimsports.com as the online presence for this project.)

I am finally ready to write the book, and want to invite you to send me a written submission for possible inclusion in the book. It can be as long as you want, and about any aspect of the topic (although I will suggest a few approaches you may want to take). You can use your real first and/or last name or a pseudonym.

If you were a good athlete, and bullied or shamed others that were not as good, I would like to hear from you as well. There is healing on many sides of this issue, and I would like to include stories (similar to my own) of learning to understand other people's experiences in a more compassionate way.

Here are some possible things to write about:

• what happened around sports in your childhood: what did it feel like, what kind of response did you get from adults in your life, did you have any allies, etc.
• how did your childhood experiences play themselves out in your adult life: did/do you have to deal with addictions, compulsions, hatred of sports; did you seek revenge or become a bully in your work life, etc.
• what actions or decisions have you made as an adult to help you heal from your childhood experiences? (examples: joining a recreational sports league, becoming a sports fan, getting therapy, joining a 12-step program, yoga, etc.)

True stories are what I am looking for, but feel free to write in a creative nonfiction style, using fiction techniques to bring your story to life. Poetry or cartoons, if done exceptionally well, will also be considered. If you prefer recording your story and sending me a digital audio clip, that would be cool, too.

At some point, I may want to interview people for this project, so please indicate if you are willing to be interviewed, either in person or via email.

There is no deadline at this time. Please send your submissions whenever you feel moved to do so. I will be working on this project for a long time, and there are several books I'd like to write on related topics.

Thanks for your support!

Please email your submissions to chosenlastinsports at gmail dot com.

© Judy Kamilhor 2011

"The Art of Fielding" by Chad Harbach

This is my first book recommendation on this blog, and while you might expect a recommendation for a non-fiction book about sports and healing, this is a work of literary fiction that includes two topics that interest me a great deal. Both of them are baseball topics, and also so much more.

The first topic is gay athletes: there is a gay baseball player on the college team that is the focus of the story. I am still waiting for the first male team sport athlete to come out during his career. The world has changed just enough that this could happen sooner rather than later, and I sincerely hope it does.

The second is Steve Blass Disease AKA The Yips, the mysterious condition that affects a very small percentage of baseball players in which they are suddenly unable to do one particular thing, often the easiest thing that they do. In this story, the star shortstop makes a throw that injures a teammate, and as soon as he gets another chance, he finds that he has lost the ability to throw the ball to first base the way he used to.

I once attempted writing a novel about a baseball player that developed Steve Blass Disease. My main character was a left-hander relief pitcher who suddenly could not throw the ball over the plate. In my outline, he quit baseball and became a rock musician, had an epiphany, and then went back to playing baseball with a new perspective on life and sports.

What I learned trying to write that novel is that I am not a novelist, and that there's nothing wrong with that. I'm really grateful that Chad Harbach is a novelist--a first novelist--and an excellent writer.

This book is worth reading if you like books about literature, baseball, college campuses, self-discovery, and/or the mysteries of Steve Blass Disease.


© Judy Kamilhor 2011

Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Creativity Are the Answers

Whatever is happening in your life, or has happened in your past, there are several tools that you can count on to help you, and eventually help others. Acceptance, of others and of yourself, is one of the foundations of the 12 Step recovery movement, as well as the other spiritual practices. The more I accept myself, the less I need to criticize and judge others.

Along with acceptance, there is the equally challenging concept of forgiveness. I must forgive myself for the choices I have made to survive. I did the best I could given the cards I was dealt. Then I need to forgive the people that have hurt me, intentionally or not, in order to find peace.

This blog is about healing from childhood rejection, especially related to gender identity and sexuality. The tool of creativity is one that I want to emphasize, because in articulating and sharing our stories we heal ourselves and inspire others to find the healing they need.

It all comes down to selfless service with joy. And we get there through acceptance, forgiveness, and creativity.

Please comment if you are reading this blog. I want to create a community here to explore these topics in a safe space.

Thanks.



© Judy Kamilhor 2010

What We Can Do To Help LGBT Teens Now

LGBT Teen suicide and bullying has been in the news a lot lately. It's not a new phenomenon, but the fact that the mainstream press has finally picked up on it is what's new. The "It Gets Better" You Tube campaign is an amazing, and almost immediate response, and I'm grateful for all the celebrities who have participated in encouraging these teens to hang in there and hope for a better future.

The question that needs to be addressed is what do we do right now? The LGBT community needs to work towards providing safe places for these kids to grow up in supportive environments. We need to provide outlets for their rage, right now, before they become the violent ones. We have to remember that in cases like Columbine, it was the victims of the bullies that became the mass murderers.

A few years ago I had an idea for a novel about a place called the Glass Bar. In my mind, this place would provide an outlet for anger so people did not have to go to regular bars and get drunk to numb their mounting rage. In the Glass Bar, people buy empty bottles and glasses, and they throw them against a giant rock wall, with all the proper safety precautions, of course, and the glass being sent to the nearest recycling center.

I never wrote this novel, since it was on a list of about fifteen other books that I want to write. Well, a few weeks ago, I was watching CSI: NY, and there was an episode that featured a place almost exactly like the Glass Bar! I was shocked, and also pleased, because now the idea is out there, and maybe there will be a real place soon where angry kids can go to let off steam before rage takes them over the edge.

It's great to tell teens that it will get better, but the rage is here now, and needs to be released in healthy ways now, before it's too late.


© Judy Kamilhor 2010

Childhood Rejection

This blog will explore how childhood rejection, especially around sex roles and expectations, plays out in our adult lives, and how people can heal from it to live fuller, more creative lives.

Please feel free to comment and/or send emails with what you'd like to see here. This is a collaborative project that I hope will eventually become a book and maybe a documentary. Many brave people have talked with me about this issue, and I've seen some healing taking place.

My experience as a tomboy is the driving force behind this project. I was the girl who was too good at sports, and was rejected by female and then male peers during puberty. I empathize with people who were chosen last in sports, because I know what that rejection feels like. I have taught people how to throw and hit a ball, and to break through the childhood messages that there was something wrong with them because they didn't know how to do it. They were simply never taught how, or their feelings of rejection prevented them from learning when someone did try to help.

Thank you for reading this, and please feel free to contribute.

creatively yours,

Judy Kamilhor